Joy in the Mist of Mourning

I never understood grief…I never knew how to mourn or gave myself permission or the space to grieve.

Ever since I was a child I’ve experience great loss…my grandpa died when I was 5 –he was the sweetest person I’ve ever known, my innocence was taken at a very young age, I lost opportunities, lost relationships, dreams, lost the desire to live…and in 2001, while I was visiting my homeland El Salvador, we had an 7.7 on the Richter scale earthquake where at least 844 people killed by large landslides. In a matter of second I lost most of the people I loved.

Over the years after that, I’ve experience more loss, divorce, financial loss, loss my home, my home church… and in every circumstance I tried to deny or conceal my pain by getting busy or coping in unhealthy ways. I even tried to help others cope with their pain and loss to forget my own.

In the last 2 years my husband and I have been pregnant twice. Both times we lost our babies.

Last February, I went to the doctor and she told me I was losing the baby. I thought; I don’t understand Lord! I thought I was finally in the season were you were going to fulfill your promises and make my dreams come to fruition. I desperately prayed for a miracle and when it happened I was really confused and hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with the pain, but I didn’t know how to hide or run from it. For a week I could not bring myself to worship or to pray, so God in HIS infinite mercy put me to sleep and encountered me in my pain. A little more than a year later He showed me during prayer that I had built an altar to my pain and that I had to let go! I PRAYED, CRIED and finally SURRENDERED!

A month later we found out we were pregnant again! I went back to the doctor and she told me I was losing this baby too. I didn’t understand it this time either- But this time around, all I asked from God was for His will to be done, and for my heart not to be hardened or turn cold against HIM. In July I lost our baby….IT WAS VERY PAINFUL but God honored my request, this time I could feel HIM carrying me and shepherding me through the loss.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

I would lie if I say I am over the hurt.. I am still grieving….But every day HE comforts me and HE renews my strength and gives me a reason to keep on moving on.

The following are some examples of losses that can result in grief and mourning:

Death of a loved one, divorce, losing a job, an illness, miscarriage, loss of a relationship, loss of a dream, loss of a job or a career change, moving to a new place, financial loss, missed opportunities, losing a period of your life…

Are there some things in your life which have been difficult for you to get beyond?

Are you running or hiding from your pain?

Are you grieving and perhaps people are telling you to get over your pain?

Are you saying to yourself that you should be over it by now?

Are there some things in your past that still affect you today?

Do you feel guilty that you haven’t been able to get over it?

Well, there are some things that we never get over. We just have to seek God for healing, comfort and learn to go on despite them.

In the book of Job, Job lost everything: His source of income, his possessions, all his children and finally his health. He never got over it, but he learned to go on. Yet also he never stopped trusting in God. He still went on to live for the Lord. What helped him was his perspective:

 “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.’ Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:21-22

 Notice that Job did not blame God but continued to praise Him. Although he struggled to make sense out of it all, he eventually rested in the arms of a sovereign and caring God.

You may still be hurting inside because of something that happened in the past. Don’t let that stop you from living for the Lord. You may never get over something, but YOU CAN GO ON. As you continue to praise God, you will find that God still has many blessings in store for you.

 If you let Him, He can heal you and make you a better, stronger person.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Oftentimes the primary reason why godly people are called to suffer is for the sake of witnessing to others about the sincerity of their love for Christ and the reality of HIS divine grace. By God’s grace, I can profess from the valley of the shadow of death that the LORD is my Sheppard and HE is good. I can attest from a place of deep sorrow that God is providing sweet comfort. I can proclaim that while my heart is broken, my faith is intact. I can affirm that a love for God formed in days of sunshine truly can withstand days of rain.

I am not sure what have you lost, but I can reassure you this:

When everything reminds you of what you’ve lost, God will remind you of what you’ve found in Him. You’ve found His way, you’ve found His truth and you’ve found His life. That alone will give you hope when you feel hopeless. God wakes you morning by morning because He has a purpose for your life. Look to Him and you will find the comfort you need. Learn of Him and you will find rest for your soul. He will never leave you alone, no, never. He is the lifter up of your head. He is your way in the wilderness. He is your safety in the storm. Yes, He is your guide. He comforts all who mourn, and give you beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning. He is lifting the spirit of heaviness from you now, and He is giving you a garment of praise. Receive what He is giving you.

“They who sow in tears shall reap with joyful singing”. Psalm 126:5

The Lord is commanding His peace and He is commanding His joy for you. He is wiping your tears away and strengthening you from the inside. Open your eyes and see His great love that surpasses all knowledge. He will do exceeding abundantly above all you can ask or think. Just when you thought your life was over because of what you lost, He will show you, no, your life is just beginning! Your latter will be greater! He is turning your bitter waters into sweet because He cares for you deeply and He loves you with an everlasting love. You are the object of His affection and He is your Comforter.

So I encourage you to keep fighting for your memories of God’s faithfulness and goodness in your life. Fight to see what God is doing currently in your life! PRAISE HIM THROUGH your pain and through wherever you have been or are going through.

May the JOY of the LORD be your strength!

Prayer requests:

• Partnership – Support raising! PLEASE PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER: I’m in great need of *monthly* supporters who feel led to be generous with their finances!  I am currently at 48% of my goal (I am short $1800 a month) and in order to be able to do ministry full time I must get fully funded first. I have until September 1st to reach the goal  Philippians 4:17 says: Not that I seek the gift itself, but I do seek the profit which increases to your heavenly account -the blessing which is accumulating for you.

• Being able to fix my eyes on the Lord and to continue to follow HIS lead in this NEW adventure!!!